A Haunted Life-
My dearest Abigail,
My heart is cleaved in two and yet it still beats beneath my chest as if to remind me yours does not. What cause does the sun have to rise in the morning without you to bask in the warmth of its rays? Why am I to live when the cause for your death now lay solely at my feet. My attempt to make a mark on this world, to prove my worth to your father was an utter failure. Driven to enlist by the shame of my failure, I almost lost my life and most certainly my sanity in Gettysburg. I returned to my ancestral home a broken man to find you married to another. There was no cure for what ailed me but you. How cruel that I would be denied the one elixir that could save my life, only for it to be given to a man who did not appreciate the restorative properties of your love.
I can no longer bare the smell of honeysuckle on a warm summer breeze for I am reminded of our time together by the creek. The smell of roses torments me as it wafts in through my bedroom window like the scent of your soap. Your memory clings to everything. No place is sacred from the haunt of your face, not even the pew where I pray for release from the pain of loving you. The Lord it seems has turned a deaf ear to my pleas for help for I am a sinful man. I followed you everywhere when we were children. As adults I followed you into temptation, coveting my neighbors wife and finally damnation when I recklessly acted upon it.
I became a petty thief, stealing moments with you, and a liar keeping secrets of our time together. I foolishly ignored your fears that we had grown careless, brushed aside your warnings that someone had seen us. I thought I knew anger the first time I saw marks upon your flawless skin. I thought I knew pain when you told me you could never see me again. Every emotion I have ever experienced was eclipsed by the news of your death. You have surely gone to the one place I cannot follow as I have marred the beauty of my love for you with such an evil deed. Repentance was no doubt in your final breath but I know not how. I am not remorseful for the life I took or the life I am about to take.
I remain ever yours,Jonathan